i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
