I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize