u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
