Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
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