remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
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