Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
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