Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize