i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Randomize
