tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
