my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
