she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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