you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
