3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
