Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Randomize
