I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
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