do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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