i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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