toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
If I die, sorry about rent.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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