you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Randomize
