Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
