If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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