Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
