Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
