he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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