im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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