I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
