i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
After tacos, we're chasing women.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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