the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
