I got chris browned last night
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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