whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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