Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
