We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
