I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
