Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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