I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
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