4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
