Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Randomize
