Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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