During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
