North Korea, Best Korea!
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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