would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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