Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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