All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
