3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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