i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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