don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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