a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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