Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
