so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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