We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize