your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
