I'm going to jail i love you
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Randomize
