Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
