best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
How's work?
Spinning.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Randomize
