Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Randomize
