My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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