He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
