College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
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