If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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