I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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