It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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