What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
