i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
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