just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
