***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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