Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize