Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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