I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize