Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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