is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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